Sister Sufi

Death gets your attention. Although many other relatives had died already, it was the deaths of my mother and husband, my truest loves, that helped me the most along the Sufi path.

My Mother

On a visit to my mother’s cardiologist, he asked her a difficult question. He said her condition was delicate and that if she ever needed intubation, it was unlikely she could survive removal. My mother was clear that she did not want to continue living with a tube down her throat. We all agreed that her medical directive would reflect this decision, Do Not Resuscitate. Her Christian faith was effortless and she once said that God surrounded her like a warm pink blanket. Upon reflection, I may have imagined it was pink.

Continue reading “Love and Death”

It seemed important to me to not wear my favorite T-shirt to the doctor’s office as I did not want a potential positive biopsy to keep me from enjoying it in the future. As it turned out, the doctor did tell me I had cancer.

Three operations later I began nine months of chemo and radiation therapy. There were terrible days and beautiful days, during which my husband and dogs took good care of me.

On one of the terrible nights, I had a stunning mystical experience. I can barely remember or describe it now but as I recall, there was a ring of fire, a thundering presence of God, and some sensation of the annihilation of self.  I thought I had died before I died. I thought I had arrived.

Continue reading “Cancer and Spiritual Pretension”

We Sufis often call our religion the path of love. With proficiency, we can gradually distance ourselves from selfishness, anger, greed, and ego. This enables us to better love our friends, our family, our partners, and God/Spirit/Being. Love softens our hearts and enables extraordinary experiences of Spirit in our hearts and minds.

Though it softens our hearts, love also illuminates our deficiencies.

I fell in love with Jim. It was a crazy topsy-turvy passionate romance. Over the first ten years, Jim and I broke up at least seven times. Our last separation occurred after his teenage son, who lived with him, was diagnosed with aggressive bone cancer.

Continue reading “Love, Psychotherapy & Spirituality”

Don’t let yourself be fooled by tasty memes, Rumi quotes, or other social media posts that make spirituality look easy. True spiritual learning is intertwined with the messiness of daily life. Here is an account of one of my spiritual skirmishes that dealt with anger and ego.

I was raised by my mother and aunt with my aunt being the controlling agent. By the force of her anger she settled arguments to her favor. One day in my early teens, I stood up to her with even stronger anger. The balance of power shifted. I am ashamed to say this anger, exacerbated by ego, became a pattern for me.

Continue reading “Anger & Ego In Silicon Valley”

You see a lot of off-the-cuff spiritual advice online. Rest in calmness. Find the stillness deep within. Come to the Light. They are beautiful words, indeed, but somehow they suggest that all you have to do is turn a switch and you arrive, as though your higher consciousness waits you just around the corner. Well, this wasn’t true for me and it’s just not true for so many others.

Casual Spirituality

Maybe you’re looking for a break, a way to relax, breathe. Me? At first, I just wanted to become more clever. In my twenties, I discovered the books of Idries Shah. His devilishly clever British upper class putdowns, combined with classic Sufi stories, appealed to me. Only later did I find myself interested in Sufi teachings and the glimpses of a Higher Reality included in his writings. Continue reading “Connecting with the Right Spiritual Teacher”